In India, divorce rates are at an all-time high. And suppose you dig a little deeper into the reasons. In that case, one that really stands out is this: more and more couples are no longer okay with silently bearing the overwhelming challenges that come with marriage. Women today are self-sufficient, financially independent, and fully capable of making a life on their own. So, they’re no longer taking the injustices in a marriage lying down. They’re standing up, speaking out, and walking away when things get toxic.
Let’s face it- when it comes to weddings in India, we spend months picking the venue, the perfect shade of lehenga, curating guest lists, finalising the dinner menu, throwing countless parties, and even planning the honeymoon. But rarely do we stop to ask: are we emotionally and mentally ready for the marriage itself?
Neither men nor women today want to be coerced into an incompatible marriage or, if things go south, simply accept it as their fate. Things are changing, evolving for the better, which is why, now more than ever, pre-marriage counselling should be non-negotiable in India.
Love is important, but not enough
“Love gives strength during difficult times, like adjusting to a new family or sharing responsibilities, but what truly makes a marriage work is the ability to grow through those changes as a team. Love needs to be supported by emotional maturity, mutual respect, and communication,” says Shallu Chawla, a Delhi-based matchmaker and founder of Make My Lagan (matchmaking service). “
Dr. Rajendra More, retired from the Army Medical Corps and now a counsellor at Oasis Counsellors, agrees. “Only love cannot sustain a healthy marriage. Trust, respect, helping nature, standing for each other—these are the ingredients that truly hold a marriage together.”
So, if we know marriage demands so much more than just butterflies and a shared playlist, why are we not preparing couples for this reality?
The Indian context: Where families marry, not just people
We really do not have to go on and on about the way marriage functions in India, because by now everyone knows that the quintessential Indian means marrying not your respective partner but their families too. It is a full-blown social arrangement—two families, two value systems, two lifestyles coming together. That’s exactly why India needs pre-marital counselling more than most.
“As counsellors, we help couples look beyond the romanticised lens of marriage,” says Chawla. “Many young people walk into marriage with expectations shaped by movies or social media. They aren’t always prepared for the daily grind—be it finances, adjusting to new family dynamics, or long-term compatibility.”
Expectation vs reality: The ultimate relationship curveball
A major reason marriages stumble is misaligned expectations. Who’s going to manage the money? What does intimacy mean to each person? What role will each partner play in the family structure? Who takes the kitchen responsibilities? The choice of staying with family or not – the list can go on. That is the reason why a lot of people suggest living-in together before taking the big leap. But due to moral reasons, many look down upon this option, and that leaves you with one resort – pre-marriage counselling.
“Sometimes, people have unrealistic or even strange expectations from their partners,” says Dr. More. “Counselling helps sort those out logically and cognitively. It brings clarity and often uncovers deeper needs or insecurities that weren’t spoken about before.”
“Everyone brings their own version of what marriage should look like. But when couples sit down in a counselling session, it becomes easier to identify where those versions overlap—and where they don’t,” says Chawla.
Dr. More highlights another critical layer: diversity. “India is an incredibly diverse nation – people with different religions, regions, and family structures. When two people from different backgrounds come together, their worldviews may clash. Pre-marriage counselling becomes a space where those hidden or unspoken differences can be explored safely.”
